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Change
Coming to the realization that I had to follow my intuition was something that began with the way I hosted my Retreats. But it didn’t stop there.
In 2022 I resigned from my day job and gave up everything I was made to believe is secure and safe. At the time, everybody told me that I was crazy. They tried to warn me how risky it was to start my own business, and how it was a mistake for me to turn my back on my career that I’d spent years building. But I knew for myself that I needed to pursue a different path. To really follow what was in my gut despite what anyone else was saying. So, I trusted my inner voice and did what I needed to do for me, even though it looked different than what everyone else was doing, or telling me. Yes, it was scary and I wasn’t sure how it was going to turn out. But, giving up my identity was the very thing that helped me find myself. Even though I only had a dream and desire to follow my path, the quality of my life went through the roof. My happiness skyrocketed and the most rewarding, eye opening, creative, fulfilling, productive, lovely time of my life.
Now, by no means do you have to give up everything you own or resign, or anything even like that. But there is something inside of you. Something you want to do, or some way you want to ‘Do it Your Way!!!’ To live or feel, or express yourself. You want to experience certain things that are unique to you and to live a life that is full of purpose and meaning. Sure, life has ups and downs. That’s the way it goes. But you can choose to be miserable and sad. Or, you can choose to stand on your own two feet, and be a warrior and champion of your own life. You can’t get this wrong. It’s just your choice and how you want to live and what you want to do. Your way is the right way.
Whatever capabilities you have whatever restrictions you might be dealing with, whatever it is that you’re working with, it doesn’t matter. Play with it. Have fun with it. See what you can do. What feels great and what feels awful. Figure out how every part of your life moves. Let it be weird. Let it not make sense. Let it look silly. Embarrass yourself! When you do it your way, it is the right way and it’s the only way that will allow you to find your own vibrant health.
NO ONE CAN DO IT FOR YOU
“The moment you take responsibility for everything in your
life is the moment you can change anything in your life.”
-Hal Elrod
Growing up, I was convinced that someone was going to come and rescue me. From the stories I’ve been told, the books I’ve read, the movies I’ve watched. I fully expected a knight in shining armour to ride in on his white horse and give me the ultimate wedding, a beautiful home, and an amazing life. But more than the fairy-tale romance, this person was also someone who was going to fix me and take care of me. To solve all of my problems. To make me thin and healthy. To create my dreams for me. To make me happy and to love me. No matter what it was that I needed, I was just going to sit back and someone else was going to do everything for me.
When I finally realized that this someone, who I had waited my whole life for, wasn’t coming, it was a real turning point. Reluctantly, I woke up to the fact that there’s no knight in shining armour who is coming to rescue me. No one’s going to come and make me like myself. Nobody’s going to come and live my dreams for me. Nobody’s going to be happy for me. Everything I want out of life is my responsibility to achieve. Nobody else’s. I know that’s harsh, but it’s true.
Truth #4:
NO ONE CAN DO IT FOR YOU
For most of my life I had been waiting for something outside of me, or someone, to make me happy. To take care of me and whatever needs I had. But the fact is, no one can actually do any of these things for you.
If you want to live authentically and creatively, no one can do that for you...
If you want to develop a meditation practice and a more peaceful inner world for yourself, no one can do that for you...
If you want to be happy and content, to live a life of meaning and purpose, no one can do that for you...
If you want to get healthy by eating good foods and exercising more, no one can that for you!
No one can do any of these things for you. But we often think they can and put all of our unreal expectations upon them. We make it their job to make our lives better and to make us happy. News flash! It’s not up to them. It’s your responsibility and yours alone.
When you put your happiness, or your joy, or your inner peace, or anything you really want on someone or something outside of yourself, you become extremely vulnerable. You are no longer in control of your destiny and you’re at the whim of what happens to you every day.
Think about it like this...
As women, we have a tendency to be a little more emotional than men, which is fine. I think it’s beautiful that we’re this way. But if you’re not in touch with managing these emotions and thoughts, then every day can be like a roller coaster. You’re up. You’re down. You’re sad. You’re happy. You’re all over the place. Your day hinges on what someone else says, how they look at you, or what they do.
Stop giving others that kind of power over you! Don’t let the everyday circumstances of your day dictate your outlook. Come to terms with the idea that no one is coming to rescue you, that you must rescue yourself. Be responsible for your own happiness and everything else in your life. You’re the only one who can.
“There’s always going to be things that are going to irritate you, but it’s up to you how you want to respond. It’s up to you whether you want to react and feed into it.”
Your Blue Print for Happiness
One of the easiest ways I was able to start taking action on my own life was by focusing on things that brought me happiness and fulfillment. I quickly noticed how these things weren’t over the top or extravagant. Instead, they were actually very simple. Like taking a yoga class from a teacher who really helps me connect to myself. Going for a walk. Reading. Meditating. Socializing and connecting authentically with other people.
In fact, I even made a list of these simple things that allow me to experience so much happiness. And as simple as it sounds, this list became a blueprint for my happiness. That’s because once I had my list, I intentionally looked for opportunities to do more of these “list-things” in my life.
What about you? What things bring you joy?
It could be a walk in the park, or a walk on the beach. It could be a talk with a friend or loved one. It could be a great cup of coffee in the morning. Whatever it is that brings you joy is your road map to happiness. Your job is to figure out how to fill your day with as much of these things as possible.
Now, keep in mind, there’s always going to be things that are going to irritate and bother you, but it’s up to you how you want to respond to these annoyances. It’s up to you whether you want to react and feed into it. Or, you can choose to spend your precious life; energy and time doing things that bring you joy.
After all... no one can do it for you.
HEALTHY SELFISH
Have you ever noticed in your life how much you give, and give, and give? You give everyone else your time, your attention, your admiration. Especially as women. So often your needs take a back seat to the needs of others. Your spouse, your partner, your kids, your work, your friends. It can leave you feeling depleted, frustrated, and sometimes even angry.
This is a backwards way of trying to be happy. Instead, you should be giving your time and attention to yourself, well before you give it to others. You should be the number one thing on your to-do list every single day.
Why?
Because you are worthy of your time. You are worthy of your attention. You deserve to fulfill your needs, achieve your goals, and to be happy. Besides, as we’ve just discussed, no one’s going to do it for you. You have to do it for yourself. If you want to get healthy, if you want to be happy, if you want to accomplish something, it’s going to require putting yourself first. In fact, it’s essential that you put yourself first.
Now, please don’t misunderstand the notion of putting yourself first in these situations as being selfish. Instead, I like to think of it as being healthy selfish.
Being “healthy selfish” requires that you focus on the things that will allow you to be the best version of yourself. It allows you to create a peaceful inner world. It gives you a foundation where you can create change if you so desire. It allows you to discover your purpose, and to pursue the things that are going to bring you the most joy. It gives you the opportunity and time to invest in yourself every single day, knowing that you’re worthy of it. Plus, when your needs are fulfilled, and you’ve given yourself the time and attention you deserve, you can be the best version of yourself for others too. You can be a better spouse. A better mom. A better worker. A better listener... A better everything.
You can be more compassionate. More caring. Move giving. More loving. More empathetic... More everything.
Yes. Some people may resent you for focusing on yourself first. However, it’s really important to ignore these voices because in order to be the kind of person you want to be for others, you first need to take care of yourself. Once your needs and wants are met, that’s when you can more easily take care of those who depend on you.
Remember, you are worthy of your time, your attention, your affection, and your love.
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